How to avoid loneliness when traveling

A Solo Traveler’s Guide

Travel can be the most rewarding gift you ever give yourself, but it is not without its challenges. One of the most common questions I get is how to avoid loneliness when traveling, especially for weeks or months at a time. The need for connection is a basic human need. But what you do you do when you have no consistent community?

The Challenge

While I love this fast-paced, always-in-a-new-place way of living, the irregularity makes it hard to show up consistently in any community. Most people know me more from my social media presence than actual conversations. Loneliness finds me when I least expect it.

I didn’t realize the impacts of this disconnect until I heard other travelers talking about it. It wasn’t a conversation topic when I was home. My closest friends had put down roots, got married, had kids, and received promotions at work. Family members questioned me on long-term plans with pressure to make it make sense for them. I started to question my priorities and the things that had been overlooked during my adventures.

How do I manage to keep the loneliness at bay when I have no sense of fitting into any one place? 

 I do my best to live 150% in each moment. 

I have a very particular mindset surrounding the way I engage in social situations. I throw myself into the present, intent on diving into conversations and celebrations with fervor. I do this with so much of my entirety that most people assume I am an extrovert.

I don’t really consider myself fully introvert or extrovert, but somewhere in between like most people. My social skills come from many years of working in customer service. I am a trained extrovert and it serves me well.

No matter the level of your social skills, I think the easiest way to bypass any need to talk is to simply ask thoughtful questions. Sometimes all we need to fill our cup of human engagement is just to be present with someone and listen.

Rediscovering what identity means to me

Despite being comfortable alone with my thoughts today, I was never taught how to be alone in a physical sense. My childhood was filled with love and music; people who cared for me and brought color into my life.

I am grateful for this, but it put me at a slight disadvantage. As an adult I have had to discover my identity without context. Filling in the holes without any consistency has led to interesting challenges. I have periodic visits with friends and family, but still tend to miss birthdays, holidays and life events – especially now that I live full time in Europe.

I’ve learned to redefine what it means to be a good friend, daughter, and sister with a realistic template that fits my life. As long as I feel that I am showing up in the right ways, I can feel content. Accepting that has helped me shift away negative and self-deprecating thought cycles that distract from living a meaningful life in the day to day.

Building habits and short-term goals 

This is a step I often return to when determining what I need, especially under stress. When my mind feels imbalanced, it is difficult to focus. I tend to surround myself with cluttered social interactions to mute the discomfort. I’ve come up with a healthier coping mechanism:

Establishing habits

I am religious about 3 daily habits: drinking tea while reading, journaling or quiet reflection, and allowing my body as much sleep as it needs. As long as I make time for a good book paired with a pot of green tea in the morning, time for (sometimes creative) mind-dumping, and a good night’s sleep, I can usually settle into a new rhythm. I also try to get outside and walk as much as possible.

Still, I am not immune to the effects of travel on my body. The lack of consistency in my schedule has become its own sort of routine. I am constantly jumping time zones and sleeping in different places. I have learned how to adapt my circadian rhythm quickly and have developed a high threshold for change. By incorporating simple daily habits that can be done anywhere, I feel more grounded in the place I have landed.

Establishing short-term goals

Setting short-term goals helps to build in structure. If I will be home for 2 weeks, I might add in a daily fitness routine to my 3 daily habits. If I am going to be working for 4 weeks, I might add in a weekly phone call to a friend on my walks. When I am transiting between destinations, I typically use the time to consider what I want to get done in the time span before I move to the next place. This way I can keep my goals in sight and adjust as needed to keep propelling them to the next stage.

Pairing habits with adventure

If I am traveling to multiple destinations in a short period of time, I will pair something like my daily walk with something adventurous – swimming at the beach or a hike up a mountain, always catering to whichever place I am in. Using the technique of pairing gives me the grounded feeling of engaging the habits that make any place feel like home with the excitement of exploring a new place.

Schedule time to connect with people

There is no replacement for relationships that have been built and cared for over the span of many years. Just hearing a familiar voice on the other end of a WhatsApp call brings a slice of familiarity to wherever I am. Human interactions don’t only have to be long distance in order to boost positivity, however.

I have noticed that solo travel makes me far more social with strangers than I might otherwise be. Some of the most memorable conversations and philosophical debates I’ve ever had have come from strangers abroad. You never know who you might end up dancing the night away or building incredible memories with. 

Travel with a companion

One of my best tips for staving off loneliness? I find traveling with a trusted or familiar companion can do the trick. A partner provides someone to turn to with delight, wonder, and shock.

I don’t travel alone as often as I once did. These days I prefer making memories with my best friend: my husband. It’s our quality time away from everyday life where we can be fully engaged with each other.

Arts and Culture

When transitioning back to normal life, I take time to mold my travel reflections and memories into visual and descriptive arts. I fill my time with writing, painting, photography and making music. I look at the world as a puzzle to be sorted through. These reflections make it easier to pinpoint the most beautiful parts. Time with my paint and canvas, journal or camera serve as an extension to any trip.

Preserving my memories weighs heavily on me. I become uncontrollably fixated on capturing each memory. When the words form descriptions, the colors blend into images, and the reflections hit their mark, I find my deepest state of contentment. Verbal expression often fails me in real time, but my creativity picks up the slack in the aftermath. By then sharing that medium with others, I feel that I might finally be understood. Loneliness evaporates with art as a companion.

Transience is a gift

When I travel, I am stronger and more aware. I can always find beauty, wonder, sadness, and hopes for what I’ll uncover in the future. Noticing these fragilities and intricacies are a reminder of what it means to be human – that my emotions are also part of the human experience. At the end of the day, the most helpful way I avoid loneliness when traveling is to remember that emotions are always shifting. One day might feel overwhelming and the next full of joy. Loneliness can be frustrating in the moment, but to travel is the gift of a front row seat to the workings of the world.